Cold

Sometimes when change happens you don't see it sneaking up on you. Like this current little trip, it's gotten me thinking. Thinking about all kinds of things.

So... I had a little business to attend to on a rimworld planet. Someone had some word on x0 and what she's alleged up to, and I thought I should check it out. After all, given my current rut, I figured a change of pace might be nice. You never know, there might even have been someone to shoot at, right?

Well, the trip turned into a wash. Old news, nothing of consequence... not worth the price of the fuel burned getting there. However, what was interesting was the weather. Yes, the weather.

See, there's something I've noticed. The weather in good ole Blackburne's pretty much the same, day in, day out. I ain't complaining, just noting it. And that flatline of temperature, it kind of gnaws away at a man, without him really realizing it. So, I walk out of the spaceport here, and bam! Icy cold breath on my face, and ice on the ground. The air almost literally kissed me welcome... I swear I felt the graze of its teeth on my neck, too.

I'm not one for the cold wastes. Nothing to eat, and nowhere to go. But this has really woken me up. I took a hike around the township, and it's quite something. Packed full of folk, full of hustle and bustle, wrapped up warm against the snow. I'll be back in Blackburne tonight, and I'm sure I'll still be able to feel it.

Strange, but welcome.

Welcome to Nothing-New

Looking at the date on my last entry, I can’t believe how much time has passed. It seems like both the blink of an eye and an eternity. And so much has changed… but nothing of consequence. Life in Blackburne goes on, and folks come and go. But at its core, we’re pretty much where we were last time. Scratching out a living on a rim moon instead of enjoying the bounty of the core worlds. How the heck did life wash me up here? Local politics aren't exactly eash either... Alliance nipping at our heels, and Reavers nipping at anything they can get their no-good teeth at. Some life.

x0’s been in and out of town. Everyone was telling me she was dead, but I knew she wasn’t. She’s back. But not, at the same time. I realize that’s a theme to my thoughts, but hey, it is very much what it is. She’s hanging about with some idiot called Mindo. They seem close. Fine.

Take one Flamingo

So yeah. We've all gone totally mad.

Tempus Fugit

Time passes, whether we want it to or not. Here in Blackburne it almost seems compressed in some strange way. Familiar faces depart, to be replaced by new ones. Feels like everything is always in some state of flux… even for me, that’s somewhat stressful. Seems like Immi is getting hitched. I’m happy for her, but I hope it doesn’t take her away from here. She’s always fun to have around, and commuting between here and Hale’s isn’t exactly the most convenient or safest journey in the world.

Haven’t been so well of late, and it’s been a drag. I’ve been leavin’ the bar early, as I’m just falling asleep. I hate this, but things can always be worse. A couple of the girls here have promised to pray for me, and all I can say is that I’m touched. I’ve not always been a prayin’ kind of guy, though the expression there ain’t no atheists in foxholes is, I can tell you first hand, true. Notwithstanding, I’ve often felt there’s a spiritual side of life – a side that we really don’t have such a good handle on. I liked it when the Shepherd was around; haven’t seen him for a long time. Reckon we could do with more of him about

Now it Starts...

So, now it starts.

A few days ago I was feeling uneasily peaceful, and knew storm clouds were gathering. And I was incredibly prescient: x0 has started killing people with her mind again.

I say again, because there’s a history here, but let me start in the present. Last night, as we sat in the bar, she walked up to a patron, all smiling, and boom… seconds later the guy is laying a in a pool of bright red blood. He’s seriously injured, and if it weren’t for Chol, wouldn’t have made it.

Chol insisted (asked is too small a word for it) that I take her over to the shelter. He’s a good man, I just think he needed some time to think. Eventually he came over, and she tried the same thing on me, just to see what would happen. Again, I was seriously hurt, while Chol, Amyla and Imrhien just looked on. I just lay there, until I could carry myself to the med center.

I’m worried. If this starts going, she’ll not be welcome here real fast. As it is, I fear that the Alliance will redouble their efforts to get hold of her.

Imrhien’s also going to bring a whole world of trouble down on us. She’s foolin’ around with a young LT. All he needs to do is see x0 in action and a whole verse of trouble is going land on her heads. Foolish girl; she’s lonely, it don’t take a rocket scientist to see that, but the LT, we’ll he’s working the wrong side of the street. It’s going lead to trouble of the kind that goes “boom”. I’m tempted to haul x0 onto the nearest ship and make a run for it, but I don’t see it doing a whole lot of good. Ain’t no hiding from the trouble that’s comin’. Might as well meet it head on.

All in?

Something’s not right. This is all too easy. It’s like waiting for something to break, like the painfully sweet honeyed light before a storm. Are the clouds already swirling above me, waiting to lash me with their fury? Or is it all in my mind?

I’m too comfortable here. Too comfortable by far.

No fear in me for myself, it’s for these folk. Good people. I’ve gotten far too attached to them all, living on this little shard of rock, hacking out a home with not a lot more than their hands and determination. I can’t be effective like this. But I can’t fully step in, and I won’t step away.

Dust

It’s amazing how quickly things move back to some semblance of normality. A few days ago my world was in flux, and now it’s not. Everything has moved back to its happy equilibrium, and life in Blackburne continues onward. I got my leg fixed, x0 has started getting her memory back, Nack’s telling bad puns… yes, it’s mostly business as usual.

I say mostly because there’s been another ship crash in Downing. I’m not a big one for coincidences, but it doesn’t smell right to me. Amyla has been fretting about her family ever since, and seems to be threatening to head out there. I hope she doesn’t. I have a bad feeling about it. We’re a mighty vociferous bunch here on Blackburne, but I don’t fancy bein’ involved in a raid to Downing. I don’t see many of us coming back, and I could do without a reality check like that. Of course, I have a sinking feeling that if she goes, she’ll end up stuck there. I can’t imagine Chol being too happy about that. Another thing to worry about, but nothing that I can do anything about. I guess it really is back to the status quo, isn’t it?

Within myself, I’m struggling. Is this all there is? I feel so purposeless. Aimless. Like a speck of dust floating around a room, caught in a shaft of sunlight. I need to kick myself out of this rut, yet there’s no rut really to speak of. I’ve just gotten back, I helped stop a war, I have an injury to nurse. Why do I expect to cram so much into so little time? And yet even in this pause for breath, this little inhalation of life, I crave movement. So much to think about.