Collateral Damage

I think my most pressing problem is solved, but it’s been intense. I think I’ve also entered into a whole new relationship with the Alliance… it’s been a busy time. All I can do right now is watch my hands shake. It’s like combat. When the bullets are flying there is no time to reflect, it’s simply act or die. It’s afterward that you pay the price. That’s where I am now.

After picking up Shadowbroker’s ASREV, I made a very interesting discovery. The documents stolen from Woodhen’s office were still in it. He never had a buyer for them, they were simply a pretext to get x0x0 along for the ride. From the seal on the envelope, they hadn’t even been opened. No doubt he told her some story about “the merchandise arriving intact” or some such nonsense.

Upon returning to Blackburne, it’s been very difficult. X0x0 is not acting like herself; her head injury seems to have triggers a certain instability which is actually quite unnerving. She tends to draw her weapon for no particular reason, and is often to be found away from the main action, sitting and fiddling. She’s nervous, but she doesn’t know of what.

Things looked bad when we landed, as Woodhen was on the warpath. He wanted his documents, and he wanted them now. I made contact, and we had a tense meeting at Firefly’s to hand them over. He – reluctantly – agreed to make sure x0’s name was clear, though in essence his response was “I’m not doing this – I already know she’s innocent”. Whether he’s simply misled (unlikely) or saving face (much more likely) it’s the end result I’m after. X0 is free to travel again, though I think both Chol and Amyla think that’s a bad idea. Like many things in life though, being able to and choosing not to is very different from having the rules dictated to you.

Those are the facts, but they’re much less important than the feelings. I find it hard to believe I’m thinking that, but I am. What’s happening here? All my training is about objective handling of the “situation”. Now, I find myself more concerned with the feelings and relationships that I’m immersed in. Immersed. Even that would seems wrong. I’m confused. Deeply.

Like most things, I suspect that things will seem clearer from a distance. That’s going to happen shortly, as I need to hitch a ride somewhere to have my leg repaired. The infection Chol is handling, but the nerve damage is going to require a much bigger facility than found on a moon like this. It means a core planet, and I’m not exactly flavor of the month in Downing. Even if I were, finding a ride might not be easy. Maybe a conversation with Abi or Imr is in order.